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in the back of my closet

by Torri Weidinger

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1.
like sin 03:23
He talks to me for hours Gentler and ordinarily kind I’m stumbling around the corner How do I leave you behind I was your frozen flower Perfectly poised for you Positioned by your power We must’ve known the truth But if we knew, then why’d I stay around For so long you held my heart Under the palm trees we spent new years Planning for the next And I never heard from your mom After all of this time I don’t even know if I’d know if you died It feels like a sin Like a sin Like you’re my sin He talks to me for hours I don’t feel small anymore I think of you in the morning Or when I miss crying on your floor At least I was still yours
2.
Cinnamon bread an anxious bed I mold myself to you No one to blame God I fed the flames My heart is built of Second chances or three Unrequired obsolete You held the tightest grip on me I had to choke for you to breathe Meet me by the baseball field I’ll pitch you a homerun Let you say the things I hate Oh you’re your father’s son You’ll never take it back And I’ll never ask Oh it’s in your nature And I’ve known that I’m all alone ‘Cause you’re sitting on your phone Oh I chose myself And I’ll never look back You’ll never take it back And I’ll never ask Oh it’s in your nature And I’ve known that I’m all alone ‘Cause you’re sitting on your phone Oh I chose myself And I’ll never look back
3.
in my closet 02:55
A gold diamond ring and A shirt with no buttons I have his tie in my closet Right next to the box with Your monogrammed mug And a framed photo of Iceland The love I have now for my life and my house I wish that he could know me When I start to sweat I remember the dread The police officers in my doorway Your pillows were soft but your heart was a rock I left you in the driveway When my feet touched the ground There were tears in my mouth And all I had was fear Scared to my bones Frostbite in my toes My friends they sat beside me It’s not the first or the last time I suppose So at least you’re not dead in a hotel room Who do I trust with my heart or my lust? And why did you want to know me? The moon’s kinda bright but I’m bitter at night So I think I’ll lay down Close my eyes and hold them tight I sing myself a lullaby I have Grandpa Joe’s ears And his son’s height But I’ll never take my life Say it’s a gift That I’m cursed and a bitch Know it doesn’t make a difference ‘Cause at the end of the day There’s a box with your name written on it In the back on my closet
4.
I’m tired but I’m used to staying up It doesn’t kill me to starve I swear I’ve had enough If I promise to make my bed today Maybe today’s the day I’ll see your name and be okay Summer is gone and once again I’ve thrown out all my clothes In a fatal attempt I try to Remember your warmth It’s fragile but I tread lightly I’ll stay quiet, I’ll be your baby I’ll stay quiet Summer is gone and like a tree I’ll stand tall Beige and bathing I’m breathing like my closet wall The books in my room they fly open And then they fall Whatever is burning, don’t worry I’ll take fault
5.
I carry rose colored glasses in my back pocket now ‘Cause life is better blue No more waiting for you And I’m not a waitress anymore I like my 9 to 5 I feel so alive Something magic’s going on here I like who I’ve been to me Cold ice water in the sunrise It feels so nice taking my time I stole the rose colored glasses from a grandmother’s house She asked if I was your wife and you turned around By the look on your face I knew right then That you had the spins And these glasses couldn’t get me to where we began It’s the paradox of how to change How to feel okay Stare down the beast Take of your gloves Really look him in the eyes Something magic’s going on here I like who I’ve been to me Cold ice water in the sunshine It feels so nice

credits

released January 18, 2024

Producer: BAERD
Master: Calbi/Fallone at Sterling Sound

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Torri Weidinger New York, New York

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